News Flash – Isram reforms!

Grand Nufti’s Decree

It’s Hada – glad tidings I’m spreading.
The world is for harmony heading.
So hang up your knives;
We have lost enough lives.
There’ll be no more bloody beheading.

In a surprise announcement today, the Grand Nufti of The Great Southern Land, Hada Nufa Dishit, has announced to the world that Isram (also known as The Peaceful Religion) is to undergo extensive reforms in order to bring it into the 21st century (a big move from the 7th century) and in so doing restore world peace.
(It is rumoured that The Grand Nufti had an epiphany following a phone call from someone calling himself “Vlad the Avenger”)
The Grand Nufti, at a press conference attended by representatives of all main stream media organizations, stated that the following changes to Isram (along with many others) would be implemented immediately in The Great Southern Land:

The death penalty for apostasy would be abolished.

Death by stoning for adultery and the removal of hands or feet as punishment for theft etc. would also be abolished.

Isramists would be free to dress as they wished with no restrictions, particularly as this applied to females.

Females would be given equal rights to males.

Honour killings and female genital mutilation would be forbidden.

Homosexuality would be tolerated. Penalties for homosexuality would be dropped abolished.

Isram would support fully, the separation of religion and state.

Isramic law would be abolished and the law of the land would be recognized.

Isram would drop its long term plan to dominate the world.

The reaction to this announcement has been rapid and surprising:

Already the leader of the so called Isramic State, (officially know as dosh, dash, dish and doush and various other acronyms, but never actually called Isramic) Muda Es Bars Thad, has canvassed the possibility of ceasing hostilities and restoring the state territory to its previous owners for, as he said, “I’m devastated. This is bound to catch on – we’ll have nothing left to kill for!”

Meanwhile, in The Great Southern Land parliament, the leader of the governing Liberal party along with the leader of the opposition Other Liberal Party and the leaders of the various other smaller Liberal parties (plus some independent liberals) have issued a joint communique praising the actions of the Grand Nufti:
“We congratulate The Grand Nufti on his reforms although we never really thought Isram needed them, but maybe it did a bit (just a little tweaking here and there) but we don’t mean to interfere or appear racist or Isramophobic but we still think….ummm……ahhhhh…..”

The Grand Nufti has thanked the government and opposition for their clear support and good wishes.

Following this brave initiative of the Grand Nufti of The Great Southern Land, it is expected that a wave of reform will sweep over Isram throughout the world and that the Isramic faithful will be fully accepted and welcomed in all the nations where they live, and that they will all become happy and productive citizens.

With the reform of Isram the world wide terror threat of the past several decades is expected to diminish rapidly, and completely disappear within months, if not weeks.

In other news: The Pope has declared: Capitalism is the driving force behind the success and prosperity of Western Liberal Democracies, Anthropogenic Global Warming is bullshit.

Everyone’s an Aboriginal

We discriminate positively,
And your origin – that is the key
Which may unlock a chest
That has wealth manifest –
All depends on that family tree.

Recently I had to visit a government department. While there I was asked a number of questions by a public servant – a young woman. She proceeded to enter my answers to these questions into her computer. Many of the questions required either a yes or no. One of the questions was “Are you of aboriginal or Torres Strait ancestry?” – I answered: “I don’t know.” I then explained to the puzzled woman that I had done a thorough research into my family tree, and while uncovering most of my ancestors, that some of my Australian ancestors who had lived in the early years of the 19th century (in Australia), were untraceable and that therefore I could in no way be sure that I didn’t have an aboriginal ancestor or two. After some head scratching she eventually took this as a “No” and entered into her computer program this totally unproven “fact.”

Of course I am a native Australian, being 3rd generation, but apparently that doesn’t count. (In Australia native born Australians are indeed “natives” – but I digress.)

This got me thinking about the term “Aboriginal.” I do know the origin of many of my ancestors. They came originally from Ireland, Scotland and England. Based on the criterion that is applied to Australian Aboriginals – that they are descended from at least one ancestor who is descended from the original inhabitants of the continent, (this is a very grey area by the way) then I concluded that I am an aboriginal of Ireland, Scotland and England.
Of course I’m not sure whether some or all of these ancestor’s forebears may have originally come from Europe in the great migration of Celts and other peoples from central Europe a millennia and half or more ago, so perhaps I am also an aboriginal of Europe.

Ok, so I must qualify as aboriginal, but not (to my knowledge) as an aboriginal of Australia. It therefore follows that the question that the woman asked me should have been “Are you an Australian aboriginal?” rather than the general question “Are you an aboriginal?” since, as I have pointed out, I am an aboriginal by default, as indeed are all human beings on the face of the Earth – we are all aboriginals – of somewhere.

Personally I don’t believe in any form of racial discrimination, but that is another matter. I do intend writing to the relevant government department heads suggesting that they change the relevant part of the question to “Australian aboriginal.” (And they can’t get around this by changing “aboriginal” to “indigenous” (as most have already done) as we are all indigenous to somewhere as well.)

Reform is the only answer.

So what has been learned from the Charlie Hebdo Paris killings? Well nothing really. We are hearing the same tired old clichés: It is a small minority of Muslims, the majority are peace loving; these atrocities are committed by nuts who are not really Muslims at all, etc. etc….
People are going to all night candle-lit vigils and holding up pens, what a load of crap.
It may make them feel better but if anything it probably just reinforces the fear.

The problem, folks, is Islam and until Islam reforms itself from the inside (which by the look of things will never happen) then the problem will always be Islam and its inability to co-exist with other religions and secularism in modern liberal democracies.

A religion which (unlike Christianity which used to be just as bad) has not changed for the better since the seventh century will obviously have trouble fitting in to the modern world. Sure, a lot of Muslims in Western countries (we don’t know how many) don’t want to indulge in terrorism or support it, but certainly a lot (we don’t know how many) are sympathetic to the Islamic cause and to the Muslims fighting us (and each other) in the Middle East.

There is a lot of talk about finding a solution: Well there is only one palatable (to the sane) solution and that is complete reform of Islam. This would require that Islam states that it no longer seeks by force (the sword) to inflict its doctrine on non-Muslims; that it renounces its abhorrent Sharia Law and such practices as the death penalty for apostasy and adultery; that it renounces its oppression of females and abandons the practice of female genital mutilation and that Islam reverts to being a religion only, rather than its present state of being a religious, social and political system. Were this to happen; were these decrees to come down from on high, then no doubt there would be dissenting States and organizations who would have to be dealt with, but at least they would not be operating under the official sanction of the Muslim leaders.(as they are now)

This is a big ask and I doubt that it is practically possible. Certainly there are Muslim scholars who are pushing for mild reform but such radical reform as I have set out would almost surely result in a Fatwa aimed at eliminating the person responsible for putting it forward. Islam in its present form is a violent and ruthless system and the Islamic powers that be will be unrelenting in their efforts to keep it so.

If nothing is done it remains to be seen whether the West will either allow itself to be enslaved by Islam or will eventually get to the stage of taking drastic action to eliminate the problem. I think the later is the most likely. Hopefully for the sake of those Muslims who truly do want peace, Islam moves to reform first.