Ah….Hello….. is that the White House?
Ah, yes sir it is, what can we do for you?
Ah..well…I’m a bit confused about the Syrian situation and I just wondered whether there was anyone there who could help me….ah…I did vote for President Trump….
That’s excellent sir, I’ll just transfer you through to someone who can help…Ah just hold the line….(muffled sounds..) whizzz…pop…pop…pop….whirrrr…..er…Hello
Hello….we…sorry….I, understand that you wish to talk about the Syrian situation
Yes I do
(voice muffled) Ok guys…..you getting this?
Ok…Go ahead sir…
Well you see, I just don’t understand what is going on in Syria. I have Christian friends there and they say that Assad, though no saint, protects them from radical Islamists and they feel they will be killed if the rebels win – they say the same will happen to people of all the other faiths as well, so really, I’m quite confused – why are we helping the rebels and trying to topple Assad?
Don’t worry sir, we are confused too…ha ha…no, just our little joke – we know exactly what we are doing in Syria. You just go ahead and tell us…ah…me….what you think is the situation over there.
Well ok….as far as I can see we and our allies are in a sort of alliance with Turkey, the Gulf Arab States and Jordan to back the rebels, who are a loose alliance of jihadists such as Hayat Tahrir-al-Sharam, al-Qaeda and a great many other insane Islamist organizations.
Our enemy is The Syrian Government of which Bashar Assad is the leader. He is backed by the Russians, Iran, Hezbollah and the Shia militias.
The enemy of both sides is Sunni ISIS. The Kurds are also fighting ISIS but Turkey is fighting the Kurds and ISIS….ISIS also wants to overthrow the Syrian Government but is violently opposed to the rebels. The Russians are bombing ISIS, as is the US and its allies, and now the US is striking Syrian Government airfields. The Syrian Government forces, despite appearing to be winning, have, according to us, just bombed a lot of women and babies with poison gas…..perhaps you can see why I’m confused…..
Of course sir, and here’s the reason – all of what you have just said is quite accurate and makes perfect sense. Your problem is that, and I say this with the deepest respect, is that you have been listening to the Russians and we all know what lying &*^%$#@ they are…
Well I do glance at RT occasionally, but I agree that the Russians can’t be trusted….unlike…ah…you….but Assad seemed to be getting the upper hand, so why would he bomb innocent women and children, surely knowing that he would bring the wrath of the US down on his head…..well, actually the heads of the people at the airfield.
Well he is an Arab…he he… sorry sir, another little joke, please forgive me – seriously though, of course Assad will bomb women and children – women are damned feisty these days – have you seen those Kurdish broads in their fatigues? And those sweet little kids? Well they may grow up one day into Jihadists, so of course he would kill them – he’s a bad dude sir – believe me – any more things we…I…can clear up for you?
Well, just the gas attack and the subsequent strike – are you absolutely sure that Assad did it – I mean on purpose? The Russians reckon the bombs hit a store of the stuff or something – I mean you seemed to act awfully fast – and there was bipartisan support, which is always a worry – wasn’t political was it?
Sir, I have already told you what lying @*&^%$# the Russians are – we would not have acted unless our intelligence was 100 percent sure – we knew Assad had chemical weapons at that base and we knew exactly when he was going to use them – I can assure you there was no doubt.
Oh…I see….then…..why didn’t you hit the base before he could launch the strike…….?
(silence)…………………..Well we’re pleased to have cleared that up for you sir…..could you just hold the line and give us your name and address please……..oh……of course….we already have that information…..we’ll be in touch……goodbye.